Mon: Don’t be late. Earlier rise as there’s still lots to follow up from the Q3 end. Should make a bigger effort to run during lunch. Get to sch and buy company law textbook. Read up on “Lifting the corporate veil”.

Tue: Rest up if you ran on Mon. If not, do strength training during lunch. MSM classes, ensure handout 4 is brought along.

Wed: HOLIDAY!!! Early morning breakfast at Swensens. 2 hours of Call of duty 4. Maybe if E2’s free can go for karaoke?

Thu: Might need to play catch up so be early in the office. Run/cardio during lunch. Make sure you have printed course guide notes for “Lifting the corporate veil”. Bring text along.

Fri: Mugging time at library from 7-9pm.

Sat: Early morning breakfast (buffet anyone?). Finish eating breakfast by 9.30 will be gd… leaves time for RNR till lunch. 1pm-5pm mugging at the library.

Sun: Swim at Rutherford in the morning. Nap after lunch.

Mon: Don’t be distracted by C* and get a grip of yourself. Look to be more productive. Wake up at 7.30am and no later. Workout during lunch. Work OT if necessary as its the 1st day of the end of Q3. Update yourself. Dinner at home. Followed by ironing laundry… Read up MSM handout 3 in advance for Tue lecture.

Tue: Work as usual. Stop staring at C* in case you haven’t done that. No workout. Classes at 7, skip dinner. Early night after classes.

Wed: L is on leave. Solo day so do not be late. 7.30am out of the bed no matter what. Ensure PODs templates prepared. Workout after knocking off. Bills and promises.

Thu: No workout. Company Law classes. Skip dinner.

Fri: End of Q3 closing. Revise company law in library after dinner.

Sat: MSM revision for past 2 lectures. Minimum 1 assignment. Laundry again. 5km run first thing at 7am.

Sun: Blogging. Cycling. Revise company law.

When I first met her… there was just some uncanny resemblance and familiarity about her. I felt as though we’ve met before… but of course unable to pinpoint any place or time. But what really mattered was when she introduced her name… and it took me back a couple of years when I had a ring. Yeap… its the same pronounciation though probably different spelling.

I wonder if I have accidentally blushed when I introduced myself to her this morning. She looked… really nice. The kind and type of gal I might be able to fall for silly. But that sense of familiarity combined with her demeanor and the way she carried herself… stirred up additional feelings that I didn’t expect.

I was distracted the entire work day… thinking “Wow…” and “Her name is ****” at the same time. It caused me to become a little more emotional than normal… I couldn’t focus on work… because I couldn’t stop thinking about her… and the name too. Then the 2 combined and my emotions went rampant. I just had to sms RN and tell her…

I wondered whether she’s single and available… I think I’m probably interested in her, and not because of the name… though the name did amplify things in a destructive manner. The aura, the smile, the walk, the turn of the head, the side view, back view… good lord… yes I’m swooned. Even my supermodel looking french intern didn’t leave me swooning like that. Yeah its a crush. And yeah… I’d be equally swooned if her name was Yoke Peng… well… then again… I prefer her name now.

Shared with M as well… and she reminded me not to equate her with my ex. She’s different. And if I was interested, I’d better be interested for the right reasons. But honestly… never really thought dating colleagues as a good idea. Doesn’t seem really professional… well… M also reminded me to take it as knowing someone new. Now clearly my emotions were rampant and out of control.

I’ve not felt this surge of emotions since my last break up. Time flies and its been 2 years since then… so… as with everything in life… there’s always the first step.

So… I gotta cool down and think things through… and also Keep it down ya horny bastard!

Tue: Class. Help Bro setup gaming rig if time permits after classes.

Wed: Light workout during lunch. Rowing and weights. Collect phone from wisma. Rest.

Thu: Heavy workout during lunch. 3km run and weights. Read up on company law syllabus online before Fri class.

Fri: No workout. Classes. Head home for early night to get enough rest for early morning jog.

Sat: 5km run at Chinese garden. 7am. Nap in the afternoon after lunch. Dinner with M and C.

Sun: Movie Marathon.

After getting my results, it felt as though I slapped myself in the face. Failed all 3. And somehow deep down inside I knew I had wasted another chance yet again. Now I not only have to answer to myself, but also to those people who’ve known me all this while. I suppose some will wonder why, whereas others have given their encouragement and offered help.

Its a waste of time, and a waste of money. Somehow inevitably, one will always be bogged down with the social and economic pressures of life in this country. I thought about what I would answer when people asked “have you graduated?”. I would say no… but the feeling of shame somehow can’t be eradicated despite the honesty presented. Why feel shameful… why let oneself be bothered by social pressures… there’s only shame when you did something wrong, or when you did something you’re not supposed to do. Did I do anything wrong here? If I didn’t do anything wrong, I would have passed right? There’s something obviously wrong with my approach… not so much as to the material I have for studying. Where do my actions lead me, why didn’t I make better choices… what motives do I have for this? Too many questions and too little answers. Its exactly what happened in my papers.

Past grievances aside… I need to pass 5 more subjects. I still have a chance to get a 2nd lower honours, provided my grades jump for my next sitting. And quite frankly, I think I’ve proven that I could score if I set my mind to work on it. My O levels were good, and I got distinctions for my higher diploma… got a 2nd upper score for Sociology on my 2nd sitting, a paper that most people struggle with. Plus I’ve gotten through papers whereby I didn’t do much studying… psychology, intro to biz and mgt, comp based info systems… clearly, the only reason for failing is the amount of work.

I need to spend lots of quantity time to catch up with the syllabus… although its still very early… as what some people say… the early bird catches the worm. Aside from physical exercise… I guess its really important that I set my sights on getting a good grasp on what the syllabuses are about… and what the university really wants me to learn aside from smoking through everything.

Guess I have to set my sights a lot higher. Otherwise it really won’t be worth it. Yes I am trailing behind… but I don’t have time to think about the negatives. Just move on and perk up. If I can’t get through this small hurdle… what about the bigger obstacles later?

Movie marathon’s starting in less than 8 hours… just thought perhaps I should put down the recipe for the food… I’m gonna make hotdogs… some pretty stylish ones…

Will be feeding 7 hungry people tomorrow including my family… and since I’ve been so busy re-formatting and setting up my gaming rig, I’ve only found time to go to Cold Storage moments ago (past 1am now). Got some onions, shrooms, spring onions, irish breakfast sausages, pork bockwurst, pepperoni, bacon, shredded mozzarella, hot dog buns (almost couldn’t get them) and a little bottle of Jacob’s Creek Chardonay as my trump card. I’m prob not gonna make all of them tom cos its too much work… but since I’ve thought of it… these are really simple ideas.

Hot dogs are meant to be simple. And I plan to do just that… with just a bit of flair…

Da Shroom Dog *steamed bun
1) Irish Breakfast Sausage Sauteed.
2) Cheat Alert! - - - Sauteed mushrooms, and add the cream of mushroom soup with just a bit of water. Black pepper. Sauce can be reheated in microwave. Remember no salt needed.
3) Slap the sausage on the bun. Drizzle the mushroom sauce on top. Chilli sauce and mayo if preferred.

Classic Dog *steamed bun
1) Chop onions into strips, sauteed on a hot pan with salt and pepper. Pour Chardonay. Simmer. Reduce. Can be reheated in microwave.
2) Irish breakfast sausage sauteed.
3) Butter the bun, slap the sausage in, onions on the top. Mustard.

The Japroney *toasted bun
1) Sauteed Garlic Pork bockwurst
2) Sauteed Pepperoni
3) Wrap the sausage with pepperoni.
4) Slap that onto a buttered bun, mozarella on top. Into the oven 150*C for 8 mins. (ensure bun was frozen)
5) Top it off with cold mayo for contrast.

For the Love of Bacon *toasted bun
1) Sauteed bacon.
2) Scrambled eggs.
3) Put them into the buttered bun, 120*C oven for 5 mins.
4) Serve with cold mayo for contrast. Chilli/tomato if preferred.

Thinking… should sauteed the sausages first. so… 5 irish sausages first up. Go with da shrooms dog and classic dog first. Followed by saute-ing the shrooms and onions for the classic dog..

2nd round… Jabroneys. ooo yeah…

The 10 things about life…

1) its a gift.
2) Its painful at times.
3) Its a plethora of opportunities.
4) Its about choice.
5) Its about knowing.
6) Its about relationships.
7) Its more about you than you really think.
Its meant to be good.
9) Its full of sin at times.
10) Its love in its material form.

10 “nots” about life…

1) Its not always about you.
2) Its not always easy.
3) Its not perfect, but perfectly imperfect.
4) Its not always right.
5) Its not always about money.
6) Its not a curse.
7) Its not based on facts… but meanings rather.
Its not always about facts, but feelings.
9) Its not always about passion.
10) Its not going to last forever.

I’m sure that there are perhaps another thousand things to add. Like fear, anger, joy, sadness… humility etc…

Strangely… I’d like to write a bit about gaming now. I believe that its taken the world by storm (ahem or is it my life?). Its like some kind of infection or epidermic spread throughout the masses of the tech era. I’m quite sure, that this genre/discourse, has not only been vastly misunderstood by a many, but also seriously underestimated.

I never realized how big the gaming world (not industry) really is, and how complex the gaming world has evolved over the years. Not to mention, how billions of dollars have been made here. However keeping in mind its not always about money… But its this whole different experience that radically changed our lifestyle, that brought us to a different dimension when the trend began in the 80s till today.

I remember when I was a small kid, the best toy I ever enjoyed wasn’t really Transformers… but the first Sega video game console. And I’m sure that some of us also remember, that you could rent a game to play at a game shop for a fee back in those days. But between that time and now… I just went, “Wow! So much has changed.” And I kind of pity people who never appreciated this hobby because it opened up so many doors and paths for creativity and a great deal of fun. Of course… not everyone was born with great hand-eye coordination… but there’s always the “rookie” or “very easy” mode for most games.

The thing that I find really so fascinating about the gaming world, is how people actually assume the role of someone else and seek to complete tasks and goals. Its basically simulation. And its done in such an attractive and colorful manner. The moment you start playing the game, you actually get to play the role of someone else and get to experience something you’d never experience in real life. You even get to feel things that you’ll never feel in the real world.

Take for example the games that I’ve played. Call of Duty 4, you get to play as 2 main characters, 1 is in the special forces, and the other is a regular marine. When you play the story mode… the game assumes that you know everything about being a soldier, and the other members on your team trust you enough to complete the goals assigned to you. Its not just about shooting and killing people now, but accomplishing a much more meaningful task like securing a strategic point, clearing the area for an airstrike, and going on a rescue mission etc etc. The game has become so unique, that you actually feel like you’re not only watching a movie, but you actually have control over your character. You are actually “him”.

Although this post has masculinity written all over it so far, one cannot deny that gaming has truly broken down gender boundaries. When “The Sims” was released, it brought out the natural domestic instincts of day to day people and was put out as a simple simulation of life. At first I thought it was such a stupid game, but when the game remained number 1 on the charts for weeks… I wondered why. Turns out because there were so many women playing it. Eventually when I got to play it, I got addicted. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons why gaming has been so successful, is because women have begun to participate ever so actively. Till date, Nintendo has the majority share of video game console market because of tremendous sales on the Wii… and guess what… there’re a lot more women playing on the Wii as compared to an xbox or playstation. However, the sad thing is I still meet women and they have no idea what a “Wii” is at all. You’d figure by now its not always about gender but what goes on in your head.

But how can one be ignorant about games? Seriously this phenomenon isn’t all hype, but since its inception into the modern lifestyle, games have created serious issues too… Look at the amount of piracy that’s going around, the amount of acquisitions of smaller game developers, the money, look at E3, a recognized technological convention exhibiting revolutionary game designs, exuding tonnes of creativity… Games have developed with such an alarming pace and are appealing to target adults thus requiring legislations to be passed for such games to be rated/censored. Parents have gone from preventing their kids from playing games, to letting them participate in international gaming tournaments televised live. If you’ve ever read a game magazine, you might know that the Koreans have training schools to train the world’s best Starcraft players. They do nothing but eat, sleep and hone their skills. Not to mention, education is essential to the development of games as new technologies are developed, game level designers and artists have to update themselves constantly aside from spending years in university just to make a small part of a big game. The gaming world also influences the manufacturing sector where all the electronic parts, CPUs, graphics cards and power adaptors are made… This is especially for the PC gaming world, where the best and latest hardware translates to the ultimate gaming experience for the end consumer. Someone has also made a million dollars in real life cash just by playing “Second Life”.

Again… truly fascinating. I’ve also personally played a lot of games throughout my life… and I enjoy playing so much because of the thrill and excitement you can get from life-like games. I remember when I first saw Gears of War, I thought it was just so over the top gory that I thought it was a bad game… but when the PC version was finally released, and since it came as a package deal with my gaming mouse, I tried it and was blown away by the whole story and experience. You’d never feel such a harsh and challenging environment to deal with ever… and its something fresh and different from the normal mundane world that we really live in.

So if you really find that life is such a bore… why not try playing a game?

Its become less clear as the years go by… I used to think that love was simple, but I have to admit… I probably made it more complicated than it was really meant to be.

I still remember very vividly what it felt like to fall for someone for the first time. But now, I seem to have forgotten how that’s supposed to come about. Well, I guess its the hormones for the most part… Doesn’t really mean I don’t have hormones now… just that the way that I feel towards things have changed so radically from the past. We all go through phases and stages in our lives, which at times makes or breaks us… and just leads us to another place. But honestly, who would have thought that you’d end up the way you are now.

There’s just so much stuff going on out there, and when there’s so much stuff, it adds so many additional questions and makes what we originally knew so bloody confusing! Till the point we have to keep asking ourselves whether what we’re doing is right or wrong. When I was in my teens, I really thought that I knew everything only to stumble through reality and discover the backstage how the world really worked. Sure this is part of growing up, but I never thought that there’s that much shit out there. Especially when it comes to love relationships… Too naive… really too naive.

I’m just taking a pause for the moment to reflect on things… I haven’t really done that in awhile since I’ve been able to occupy myself with activities that I love and enjoy doing. I’m exercising regularly at least thrice a week, been playing pool, games, sports, meeting up with friends… and managed to squeeze a really hearty bbq along the way. Its really enjoyable to do all these when the chances come by. Contentment, isn’t really a bad thing. It doesn’t exactly lead to complacency… but it should lead someone to be happy.

Despite living the lifestyle that I sought after my exams were over… I realized that I might have forgotten what it meant to be in love… and what it meant to love a special someone. Time has really flown and its been over 2 years since I was attached… and although I’ve been getting to know ladies, I just couldn’t take that extra step to give a peck on a cheek or hold a hand. Maybe that’s because… they just aren’t really good choices to begin with. So why spend time with them? The answer just begs a shitload of hypocrisy and selfishness on the surface… but I think deep down in everyone’s heart, we just don’t want to be alone throughout our lives.

This is precisely the problem… Has love been degraded till a level where it exists just to prevent us from being alone? Are people tying the knot… just because love has become something practical, because the worst thing that could happen is to die alone without anyone being there for u? Are we… as adults… losing our perspective towards what love means. Because I for one have to admit, might have probably lost some perspective and direction.

Love is the very fundamental thing that makes us different from other species. Yet, it has been misunderstood. Perhaps because that’s why this magical 4 letter word is so special… because it isn’t just purely something like giving… its also receiving. Its not always about patience either, in fact sometimes anger needs to come into play for it to make it work… You also can’t live on love alone, neither can one live without it. It even involves the economy… Does money really make the world go round, or is it really love that makes the world go round? Another funny thing is that we can actually choose to make love complex, or make love simple.

I guess the only thing that I can say with utmost belief about L-O-V-E…

It was, it still does, and will always remain…… fascinating.